"It's time for one of my metaphors--are you ready?" -- Austin
"I'm glad to know that despite having known many of you for many many years, I am nothing but a caricature to you." -- Sam
"Shut up. Get away from me. I love you." -- me, to Joe
me: Will I look like a hoor if my bra straps show?
Joe: You live in a college town. It's like a soft-core porn out there.
Overheard in Ragstock:
"Do you, like, have any, like... Indian stuff? Like feathers or like a headband something?" -- v. blonde white girl
Joe: I'm gonna turn on the second alarm.
me: (Half asleep) I'm gonna rip your entrails out your asshole.
Joe: You're being mean this morning!
me: Have you met me before?
Anna: No! No cannibalism in the restaurant. ::takes Marie's butter knife::
Marie: ::tries to reclaim knife:: Double standard! She tried to bite me!
Sam: My life is one long joke and I hope to die before the punch line.
Anna: What if it's the best punch line in the world?
Sam: I don't want to hear it.
Riley: Delia, you missed the best pun ever.
L: You don't need to repeat it. I will punch you in the face if you repeat it.
An: I will punch you in every genital you own.
An: Every. Genital. You own.
Joe: I can't let you walk: it's cold, you'll get sick.
me: And then I'll get you sick.
Joe: And then I'll kill you and be sad because I don't have a girlfriend!